Journaling

I've never been very good at journaling. I always feel silly while I'm writing, and then later when I go back and read it I feel even sillier and sometimes even end up ripping pages out and tearing them into tiny pieces. It's that bad. I don't know, I just can't get the right tone down, I guess. I never feel like I sound like myself.

I think my best-chronicled years were my mission years. It was still spotty, and I did better with some companions than others (thanks, Heidi!), but I managed to fill a few composition books, a loose leaf binder, and of course my daily planners. Maybe it was easier then because it felt like there was always something to write about - meeting people, sharing the gospel, disappointments, joys, hilarious moments, really embarrassing ones, and of course extremely spiritual times.

And, you know, times when I got soaked.

The thing is, I feel like this time in my life is also a very spiritual, very precious time. I feel like I have extra responsibility to record these years because my children won't remember them. Isaac is not going to remember a single thing of what happens to him - it'll probably be a year or two more before his first memories kick in. So I feel like I am the keeper of these precious years. And I am not doing a very good job.

Sometimes I feel like I just need to find the right journal. Maybe one with journaling prompts included to help me on days when I'm feeling blank? (Sorry you're feeling so blank inside... anyone? Brian Regan fans?) I really love these printable journaling pages from Grace is Overrated, but after printing several of them out, I realized they weren't really helping me write about my life now. I want someone to create the Mom version, but as of yet, no one has.

So, I finally made myself a journal. It's not the mother of all journals I'd like it to be, but it's a journal and it's cute. I've been wanting to make one for a while, had the perfect fabric picked out, bought my composition book during back-to-school sales for 25 cents. So, six months later, I finally got it together.

Here it is:
 

Here's how it looks inside.

Yeah, cute journal and everything, and I still don't write in it. I want to. Does the first blank page of a journal intimidate anyone else as much as it intimidates me?

Any suggestions?

Really do love that fabric, though.